Club Game Pick Up – “It’s How I Met Your Mother, Kids”

This past Saturday night I did something I haven’t done in months; club game.

Me and my crew rolled up to the sports infused venue of ill-repute around 10ish. I like arriving early, because the girls are much more open to meeting new people. This is because the guys aren’t yet drunk, and don’t have the balls to start hitting on the girls until at least 11:00. If you choose to doom yourself to the hyper competitive environment of club game, at least do it early. Here’s a rough breakdown of the typical club schedule;

9:00pm The club opens for business. Promoters are chilling out waiting for there people to show, and there’s a handful of groups scattered about. They usually have ties to someone who works there.

10:00pm Energy starts to pick up a bit. Girls and groups start rolling in. Cliques start getting their drink on. A brave cassanova or 2 might introduce themselves to a group of girls.

11:00pm The absolute best time of the night. Girls have had 0-1.5 drinks by now, are starting to get into the vibe, and most have still not been hit on yet. They are ready to mingle, but most guys are not drunk enough yet to make a move. Best to choose the hottest targets available and go all out because come midnight, this will be much more difficult.

12:00am Garbage time begins. Many girls are getting into full-on dance mode. Some guys are getting sloppy drunk, and have begun making rude & lewd approaches to the cute girls. Girls, previously enjoying the attention, are now getting defensive and ready to leave, or hooking up.

1:00am Garbage time. Most people are wasted, and initiating conversation with new girls becomes a near impossibility. Animal instincts take over. People are singing and dancing. If you’re not drunk, you’re probably pretty uncomfortable right now.

2:00am Closing time for most. If you’ve stuck around this long, and still haven’t hooked up, now is your chance for redemption. Best bet is outside the club where girls are waiting for taxis, chatting with friends, and beginning to sober up. Unfortunately, neither of you are looking as hot anymore under the street lights. Wonder why you’re still going out to the clubs when the same girls are plentiful available during the day and online.

Anyway, like I said we rolled up around 10, and we’re just chatting about guy stuff. A 3 set rolls in and every guy in the place stares. There’s a tall leggy brunette, a short busty blonde, and an Asian/Latina looking number…basically, something for just about everyone.

I wait for them to get their drinks, sit down, and snap all their facebook pictures before I make my approach their table;
BL: “hey guys” (big smile)
HB’s: “heeeeyyyyyyy”
BL: “you guys looked so fun, I had to come meet you”
HB: “we are fun! yaaaay” (some other random exclamations all around)
BL: “so whose the leader here?”
After a brief discussion, they decide it’s the tall brunette
BL: “so, you’re the party friend, she’s the shy thoughtful one, and you over there are the mom…right?”
HB’s: “OMG, LOLOL, THAT”S so TRUE”
BL: “cool, yea I read minds. So how do you guys all know each other?”

I pull up a chair, we rapport for about 5 minutes, and I introduce one of my wings to the group. He chats up the exotic number, and I’m left deciding between HBleggy brunette and HBbusty blonde, on my left & right respectively.

They are both talking at me from either side, and it’s stressful keeping them both entertained. I need to pick a target and isolate soon, otherwise I’ll loose the momentum I’ve built. Brunette is giving me intense eye contact and smiling, but is not contributing much to the conversation. Blondie is stroking her hair, touching her leg, and asking me question after question, “what do you do, where are you from, etc.” It’s a tough call, but my body language read is that while blondie may not be as beautiful, she is more ready to party…now.

I take blondie by the hand, and say to brunette, “do you mind if I borrow your friend for a minute?” She play lectures me about bringing her back soon, because she knows king-fu, or something. I take blondie by the hand to the back of the club, and we cozy up on the couches.

After about 30 minutes of chatting up and checkups from her friends, we’re making out on the couch, and she asks me if I live nearby. I think to myself, this is a pretty good question to be asked right now. I’m half tempted to tease her with a “hey, get your mind out of the gutter!” but with experience comes knowledge, and I simply answer, “yep”. I let her plan out the logistics while she txt’s the friends, explaining that she’ll meet up with them later on.

Closing out her tab was an obstacle course to say the least. Hazard #1 came in the form of cock-blocking acquaintance, who if he saw me, would most certainly make some off-color comments in front of blondie, and talk her ear off no doubt. That was the last thing I needed at this moment, so I carefully navigated blondie by the shoulders to the other side of the bar, avoiding the landmine. Hazard #2 was blondies friends in the very next room, who would have most certainly talked her out of leaving the club with me. “but I should say goodbye!” a fairly drunk HBblondie kept exclaiming, but I knew I couldn’t let that happen, or this little fishie would swim for sure. I changed the subject each time, reassured her that she already txt’d them, and that I would deliver her back, safe & sound.

From the moment we got back to my place, it was ON. Shirt & pants came off, no problem. Nakedness ensues, safety precautions are taken, and we’re getting down with it, official. Her breasts are gigantic. Belly is flat, and waist is slim. Her Drunken state certainly detracts from the experience somewhat, but I’m enjoying this catch immensely, and reminding myself it was only a few years ago I’d hardly squeezed a pair of breasts, much less a pair that looked like these. I’m thinking club game isn’t so bad after all. Then something terrible happened.

Her cell phone rings. She answers. Her friend asks if she’s busy. She says, “nope, what’s up?”. They’re having a full on conversation. Yeah, I’m still railing her. I tell her to hang up and shut off her phone. She’s still gabbing away. I start loosing my erection. She tells her friend to hold on.

HB: “fuck me harder!”
BL: “hang up the phone”
HB: “fuck me hard!”

Despite the initial pleasure, this minute or 2 of torment was simply too much for me to deem tolerable. I pull out, pull the condom off, and start getting dressed. Eventually it sets in that she was acting like a total C word, and she starts apologizing.

The apologies turn to crying. Here I am in my apartment with a girl I hardly know crying on my shoulder about how she never does this, just broke up with her boyfriend, and how much she misses being in a relationship. I tell her I understand she’s in a rough place emotionally right now, and it would be cool to maybe see her again when she’s more ready for real intimacy, but at the end of the day, her behavior was that of a 1st class bitch, and I don’t fly that route.

She calls a cab and leaves. I check around to make sure she didn’t steal anything. Check. I call my friends and ask why I still go to clubs and put myself through this sort of drama. They tell me I’m addicted to the chase. I fucking hate the chase. I just want to meet a nice girl who knows how to cook and um, doesn’t answer her fucking cell phone during sex. Is that too much to ask?

Club game, once again, has proven to be a waste of time. Sure I got laid, but for my time and effort I could have met a drama-free girl online, or outside during the day. I’ve yet to meet a crazy while doing online dating…clubs just seem full of ‘em.

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Pete

Hi, I'm Pete! I hope you enjoy my relationship advice.

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