An Innocent Online Seduction on Tinder in 2020

HBInnocent was the shy type. Busty, medium length straight dark hair, twinkling eyes, and high cheekbones. She sat across the table from me, freshly plucked from the internet, eyes locking onto mine stealing glances, then darting away, fearful of revealing any attraction.

We talked about online dating, her career path, the craziness of being a movie studio assistant, and her business school applications during a job market in recession. About 30 minutes in, I reached out for her hand, and felt cold, damp fingertips.

Here was a girl, who at 24 years old, had only been with 1 other guy…and she was starting to trust me. We left the diner, and I walked her to my car. “but I’m parked the other way” she said. “that’s cool, I’ll drive you over”.

I fired up the engine, and turned up the radio. Nothing gets me in the mood like public radio news. I looked at her, and while holding her hand, I said, “I don’t want you to go. I want to keep hanging out with you”. She agreed, and asked what we should do. “We could go back to my place, just for a little while though, cause we have work in the morning.” She gives me a knowing smirk. The proposition lingers in the awkward air for 7 seconds which feel like eternity. Then she gives her response. “sure”.

We sit on the couch, as people do, and the TV gods bestow upon me a season finale of The Bachelor. I tell her I would make a great Bachelor. She agrees. We cuddle, and after 20 minutes of reality TV laughs, she starts kissing me. I don’t put up much of a fight.

We try to makeout comfortably on the couch, but it’s an exercise in futility, so I place her arms around my neck, scoop her up by the legs, and throw her on the bed. That might sound barbaric, but my chicks always find it romantic, or funny, depending on who you ask.

I’m on my back most of the time, which is most unlike my standard modus operandi. But like I said, HBinnocent is, well, pretty innocent, so I’m reluctant to corrupt too quickly. Nature takes it’s course soon enough, as it does, and her shirt comes off to the thinly veiled, “I’m not this kind of girl”. As suspected, she’s sporting DD’s.

Unfortunately they’re not the firmest breasts I’ve encountered, but they are a nice round shape, and the nipples are happy to see me. She objected at the pants too, with the stock standard, “omg I haven’t shaved!”. I’m convinced girls purposely don’t shave for 1st dates purely so they have this canned objection ready to go. Pants came off a minute later with a simple flipping her around on her belly and a quick but firm tug at the ankles.

I reach under the pillow clumsily, acting as if I can’t remember if I have a condom there or not. But it’s just an act, I know it’s there. I’m allergic to latex, so I hand her the condom and say “put this on me”. Looking back, this was a risky move. It’s cost me the lay before, as it places responsibility for the final act squarely on the girls shoulders…at least in her mind.

This one was locked up though, so she obliges the request with a giggle and a “you’re so big…oh my god it’s been so long since I’ve done this”. Compliments both. By this time I’m back on top, and to my surprise, she’s the one putting me inside of her.

She asks me to go slow, as she hasn’t been with a man in years. She really is a sweet girl. I tell her it’s ok, and that I find her lack of experience endearing, even though she’s self conscious about it. But hey, I’m a guy…I’m just happy to be there.

She’s loving the things I’m doing to her body, and whispering in her ear, and begs me to tell her what to do next. Eventually, I do fuck her brains out…what can I say, I’m all about pacing.

Round 2 comes after a brief Curb Your Enthusiasm interlude, after which we get dressed, I drive her to her car, and she thanks me for a wonderful evening. I probably wont see her again.

I go home, check my inbox, respond to a couple new prospects who loved my profile, and even find a fresh phone number (score!). I leave my phone out in the event of an “I’m home safe” txt, but it doesn’t come. I go to sleep just an hour shy of my preferred bedtime…not a bad night.

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Pete

Hi, I'm Pete! I hope you enjoy my relationship advice.

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